confessions of a southside catatonic chataholic

...Wait, I mean I've lost my mind, I can't find it."
- Eminem in the song 'Come on everybody'

Yes. It's true. I like Eminem. Deal with it :) It's my first week back blogging and already I forgot (hence the 'absent-minded' quote) to post last night *rolls eyes* So today you get a twofer (two-for-one): Tuesday - My Family & Other Animals (things my family say or do that are funny, silly, downright stupid etc.) and Wednesday - What the...?! - funny, stupid, oddball book titles/blurbs etc. So...theoretically, twice the goodness. Or badness depending on which side of the fence you're on o_O I'm desperately bashing away at the keyboard to get this published so I don't gotta add a Thursday post with this one, too LOL Bad Tosca >.< So for your viewing pleasure, here's a mish mash of Mr. 6, the rozzers (or the police, as we know them), three husbands that grew on a tree LOL Read on! You'll see what I mean :0)



My family and other animals ( or: things my family do/say that just beg to be shared)
Last night about 11:55pm I was just about to retire to my room with a book that I'm reviewing for SFFANZ (join, people, join NOW, you know you want to & seriously, I get a list, I choose which books I want, and they send them to me to review - thanks to Hachette - and I get to keep them - I LOVE THEM) when I hear a bang at the door. I'm in my pyjamas, my hair is standing on end and I have on slippers (don't judge me, damn you) and apprehensively answer the front door. But not before arming myself with my iPhone so I can take a picture of whoever's at the door in case I get murdered and they need to identify my body. Seriously LOL So I yank back the curtain with my phone held high ready to take a snapshot - and see 2 very mild mannered policemen o_O Fearing someone in the whanau is in hospital or, worse, dead, I open the door and say, tenatively, 'Hello...?' Turns out one of Mr. 6's classmates didn't go home last night and so the police were door knocking on his friend's houses and speaking to the children. Which meant waking Mr. 6 up at midnight...have you ever tried to wake up a 6 year old at midnight? IMPOSSIBLE. After 5 mins of tugging, prodding, poking, cajoling and, then, outright threats, out he comes rubbing his eyes to stop dead in his tracks when he sees the policemen. By this time his mum's awake and overseeing the process (ie. prodding Mr. 6 when he falls asleep LOL) so I head back to my room. I take my hat off to the coppers - they persevered and managed to get another lead (ie. another friend's name who may have seen little Josh as well) and, somewhere along the line, found the young boy and returned him safe and sound. Whereupon he was probably grounded for life :) One particular part of the question/answer session with Mr. 6 had me in hysterics and made me ask myself, 'How often do the fuzz need to interrogate 6 year olds 'cause...their method needs work?'

Mr. Policeman: And do you remember any other friends that were there, Kalani?
Mr. 6: Yes.
Mr. Policeman: Who?
Mr. 6: David.
Mr. Policeman: Do you know David's place of residence?
Mr. 6: *silent - turns to his mum* HUH?

GORGEOUS! When they asked Kalani to jump in the car with them to show them where David lives Mr. 6 did balk at that.

Mr. Policeman: Would you like to come with us in the car to show us where David lives?
Mr. 6: No.

LOL Oh boy. In the end he did get in the car and show them *rolls eyes*

Wednesday: What the...?! - funny, stupid, oddball book titles/blurbs
Was hanging out in subversive pockets of our catalogue and saw this book synopsis which made me go, 'WTF?!' and burst out laughing.

Title: The husband tree
Author: Mary Connealy
Synopsis: "Standing over her third no-account husband's grave, Belle Tanner makes a vow--no more men. Now all she needs to do is get her cattle to market before winter sets in. But there's no one around except the drifter Silas Harden, and Belle is such a poor judge of men that she can't decide if he is worth hiring on. Silas just escaped a shotgun wedding--only to lose his money, his ranch, and his pride. Although he's determined never to get tangled up with womenfolk again, Belle and her four daughters seem to bring out the protector in him. And he can't seem to stop kissing Belle senseless. When a group of cowpokes, along with a white woman raised by the Shoshone, show up along the drive, Belle has her hands full. Can she keep her oldest daughter and Glowing Sun away from no-good cowhands--and herself out of Silas's arms? Will anyone get through this treacherous cattle drive unscathed and unhitched?"--P. [4] of cover.

Her THIRD NO-ACCOUNT HUSBAND? Eh? Say what?! o_O As if that isn't bad enough - there's a husband tree? *falls down dead* As a dyed in the wool commitment-phobe that truly scares the bejeebers out of me :)