confessions of a southside catatonic chataholic

"If a trainstation is where the train stops, what's a workstation?"
~ Unknown

I've worked in libraries for almost thirteen years. Two helping out in a school library, two at a tertiary library, and nine with a public library. Thirteen seems like a long time but, really, it's not. After all, I knew a colleague, a few years back, who retired months short of her fiftieth anniversary. Not just 'in libraries,' but with the same organisation. I think that is both phenomenal, and admirable.

I find myself contemplating, more and more often, what life would be like post-libraries. And by 'post-libraries' I mean not just a job change (as in location or organisation), but a total profession change. Like, right out of libraries altogether. I've been feeling quite unsettled for a very long time, and I often wonder if that emotional disquiet is allowing me to do my job justice. I'm not so sure it is. (I'm not looking for validation, it's a statement of fact). And I don't want to stay if that's the case. Surely, it'd be better to leave and make way for someone who can come in do things exceptionally well? I'm a firm believer in the thought that people should enjoy their work. Most days, I think I do, but sometimes the restlessness I feel, and the uncertainty about whether or not I'm where I want to be/or am needed (while doing the best that I can), makes me constantly ask myself, "Are you working to live, or living to work?" I know which I'd prefer.

And so, starting tonight, I'm taking the first step in actively looking at what kinds of jobs are available in areas other than libraries. I don't know if this will come to anything. It may turn out that I'm suited for naught else. Then again, it may be the impetus I need to figure out where my restlessness stems from and patch that shit up pronto. (Like it's a leaky ship, or a bicycle tyre with a puncture, or a hem that's halfway fallen down and I have to decide if I grab a needle and a cotton or leave it drunkenly listing). I've resisted this step for a year and a half because, even back then, it looked like it was going to get to this point sooner or later. It arrived.

So, that's me. Haven't updated this blog in about two months, and the first time I do it's to say I'm 'job looking with intent.' Bizarreballs.